Unhealthiest Restaurant Cheeseburgers (Calorie Counts Over 1,000)

Diet-Busters on a Bun

Burgers don't exactly spring to mind when we think of health food, but they're a cheap and tasty staple at restaurants all over the U.S., so we can't blame you for indulging every once in a while. But choose carefully, or you could be downing half your daily calories – or worse – in just one sitting. In honor of National Cheeseburger Day, we peeked at the menus of chains across the country to sound the alarm about some of the worst offenders, and ranked them from lowest to highest calorie counts.

Note: Calorie counts may vary by location

Five Guys: Bacon Cheeseburger

Calories: 1,060
At "just" a little over a thousand calories, the bacon cheeseburger at Five Guys almost seems like a good choice — but that's the calorie count before you add anything to it.

Hardee's: Triple Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger — Cheapism

Hardee's: Double Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger

Calories: 1,060
At Hardee's, the only thing more extreme than the racy commercials is the burgers. Case in point: the Triple Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger, with two patties, two slices of bacon, two slices of cheese, jalapeño coins, barbecue sauce, and onion rings. (Though there used to be a Triple Spicy Western Bacon Cheeseburger.)

Perkins: The Breakfast Burger

Calories: 1,070
The Breakfast Burger isn't quite the biggest calorie bomb on Perkins' burger menu. But it may well be the hardest to resist at this morning mecca, since it's topped with hash browns, maple bacon, cheddar cheese, and a fried egg.

Red Robin: Southern Charm Burger

Calories: 1,140
We reckon you'll need quite an appetite to plow through Red Robin's Southern Charm Burger. It's made with a half-pound of brown-sugar-glazed beef that's slathered in honey barbecue sauce, then topped with candied bacon, caramelized onions, mayo, and extra-sharp cheddar.

Cheese Curd Bacon Burger, Buffalo Wild Wings — ©TripAdvisor

Buffalo Wild Wings: Cheese Curd Bacon Burger

Calories: 1,210
Some evil genius at Buffalo Wild Wings decided that you can never have too much of a good thing, topping this massive cheeseburger with Wisconsin cheese curds in all of their fried glory. Rounding out your heart attack: bacon and chipotle barbecue seasoning.

Super Big Boy, Frisch's Big Boy — Joe E./Yelp

Frisch’s Big Boy: Super Big Boy

Calories: 1,260
A double-decker bun and a big dollop of tartar sauce crank up the calorie count on this otherwise simple half-pounder with cheese, lettuce, and pickles. Watch the sides at Frisch's: Your two choices could easily add 500 calories or more to this already hefty plate.

Mimi's Café: The French Quarter

Calories: 1,280
A calorie-laden burger has never seemed so cultured. Mimi's serves its French Quarter burger on grilled garlic-parmesan sourdough, topping it with avocado, Swiss cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles, and Thousand Island dressing.

Logan's Roadhouse: Fried Cheese and Bacon Burger

Calories: 1,340
A Logan's specialty, the Fried Cheese and Bacon Burger unabashedly tops your beef patty with a hot disc of fried cheese, smoked bacon, Thousand Island dressing, and some extraneous healthy stuff such as lettuce, tomato, and onions.

Hooters: Bacon Mac & Cheese Burger

Calories: 1,350
Hooters might be famous for its wings (and certain other things), but it has its own slate of outrageous burgers. The king of 'em all is the decadent Bacon Mac & Cheese Burger, which serves up not one but two quarter-pound patties on a toasted brioche bun with mac and cheese and bacon.

Chili's: The Boss Beef Burger

Calories: 1,530
One look at the gut-busting Boss Beef Burger – "the burger all other burgers report to" – and you'll be frantically searching your purse for some Pepto. It features smoked brisket, rib meat, jalapeno-cheddar smoked sausage, bacon, cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce, and homemade ranch.

The Cheesecake Factory: Bacon-Bacon Cheeseburger

Calories: 1,590
The Bacon-Bacon Cheeseburger is just as decadent as you'd think it would be. A burger is topped with two types of cheese, two types of bacon, and a secret sauce.

Quesadilla Burger, Applebee's — Andy R./Yelp

Applebee's: Quesadilla Burger

Calories: 1,630
If you're "eatin' good in the neighborhood" tonight, beware of this Mexican-American mashup. The Quesadilla Burger is served up on a tortilla stuffed with beef, pepper jack cheese, smoked bacon, pico de gallo, lettuce, and Mexi-ranch sauce.

Hickory Brisket and Bacon Burger, Bj's Brewhouse — Jessyca C./Yelp

BJ's Brewhouse: Hickory Brisket and Bacon Burger

Calories: 1,700
As its name suggests, BJ's Hickory Brisket and Bacon Burger features a heap of smoked brisket, barbecue sauce, and bacon atop the beef patty. But don't forget the mayo and two types of cheese, pepper jack and cheddar, to round out your indulgence.

Beef O'Brady's: OMG Burger

Calories: 1,790
Beef O'Brady's OMG Burger keeps it simple, but in large quantities. You'll get a ¾-pound Angus patty, four slices of American cheese, four slices of smoked bacon, lettuce, and tomato piled onto your bun.

Dave and Buster's: Buffalo Wing Burger

Calories: 1,912
Shield your eyes, nutritionists. If you can't decide between a burger and wings, now you don't have to. With the Buffalo Wing Burger, Dave and Buster's has topped an already-massive angus-blend patty with chicken tenders tossed in buffalo sauce, then added blue cheese and onion straws. There's also celery, so this totally counts as health food, right?